“2020 is a very limited edition version of yourself” - @chubbynavyblue
While I completely recognize this season can very much be a tough, trying and uncompromising time, being that we’re still stuck in the middle of a global pandemic, recognize that this isn’t a forever thing. This season, like every other season before it, has come and gone.
That’s a perspective to grasp and hold onto. While it may feel like the end of the world is tomorrow, hadn’t we individually all felt that at some point in our lives before? Whether it was a horrible breakup, or a tough time academically, or even a broken friendship that needed time to mourn, we have all had some kind of “season.”
For some folks, believe it or not, this is a new chapter and season never seen before. Some are having to really do soul-searching within themselves, some are having babies for the first time, some are planning weddings for the first time, and some are rediscovering new ways to survive as a family in 2020. This is very much a limited edition version of yourself. We’re all reimagining something at this very point in our lives.
Well, looks like the cat is officially out the bag - you heard that right ... I am officially engaged. This is a new season in my life that I could’ve never predicted. But look at God. I will say that it’s good to reflect on the fact that this present moment in my life, is one that took a lot of hard work. While the idea for the perfect wedding (I just cringe at the words “perfect wedding” because nothing is perfect and the idea of a perfect wedding just sounds too stressful), while the idea to plan a perfect wedding may become the sole focus for brides-to-be, I have to recognize that I’m preparing for forever, not just one “perfect” day!
What that means is that I am in this season of my life, because I worked hard to grow, learn, understand, recognize and support myself for years - on my own. I had to be comfortable with loneliness as a woman. I had to not date for a season because I needed to spend quality time with myself. I had to deal with broken relationships in between that too, but it all led me to this moment where I can be a full person and share that fully and wholeheartedly with someone else.
You see, that other person, my fiancé, isn’t going to complete me, as if I’m missing pieces. I am whole most especially because God is my portion and my cup. If I sought my partner as a missing piece meant to fill in that emptiness within me, then it would be like showing up to the World Series missing one of my socks. What I mean is that I’m not dependent on a man, my partner, to fulfill every piece of me as a human. Only God can.
More and more I realize that unrealistic expectations are such a crutch and thief of joy. Everyone will at one point or another disappoint us - including our own self. It’s the human condition.
The silver lining is that it’s good to experience what a life partner should do and what my fiancé has shown so far: teach me, humble me, and refine me into the woman God seeks me to be. Somehow along the way I am building upon the highway to holiness - one day at a time.
Last thing I want to add is that, well, I also believe I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t start praying for my beloved almost four years ago! I’ll have to tell ya’ll about that and release that project sometime soon. Hold me accountable!
As I end this Sunday Soul Session, I thank you for listening. I hope this season brings you clarity, growth and peace.